


your whatever

by kogaritsu



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: FORGOT TO MENTION this is 2nd year reikao, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Shotgunning, Smoking, and keito is mentioned once, kanata and kunugi make brief cameos, kaorus a dumbass that doesnt know hes in love yet, the middle portion is a transition chunk and is therefore not very good lmao, very backwards confessions of love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-25 21:39:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18171773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kogaritsu/pseuds/kogaritsu
Summary: “You’re awful fearless today, Hakaze-kun.” Rei was close enough that Kaoru could feel his breath.“Maybe you make me feel brave,” Kaoru said it as if it were nothing, meaningless words for a meaningless hookup.Rei’s cocky expression flickered for a moment, splintering into something akin to melancholy before he pressed forward the final few centimeters. He kissed Kaoru like they’d never see each other again, and Kaoru’s heart pounded so hard it felt unhealthy.





	your whatever

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be 1k words at most skfjsdlfkjm
> 
> title is from a lovelytheband song
> 
> also this takes place right before rei leaves to study abroad (since its such a fucken gray area of lore) with the end taking place after he comes back

Kaoru’s foot dangled out the window, shoe bouncing against the brick lining the outside of Yumenosaki. The unbuttoned top of his uniform allowed air to flow freely against his neck, cooling the skin before he had the chance to sweat. His eyes followed a group of kids leaving school, among them was Rei’s first year disciple, and he so desperately wished he were among them. Anything to get out of the Student Council room. He was there on a mission, however, so on the windowsill he’d remain until the Marine Bio Club got its updated funds. 

“Hangin’ around won’t make me see your request any quicker.” Rei waved a hand at him, as if shooing a bug, “Your presence is actually slowin’ me down, get the fuck out.”

“Update our funds so Kantata-kun can install a new tank and I’ll leave.” Kaoru turned his body to watch Rei’s shoulders rise and fall with a dramatized sigh.

“Don’t you owe it to poor, poor Souma-kun?” He added, just to see Rei twitch.

Instead of gracing Kaoru with an answer, he went back to reading emails and filling out forms in silence. Unfortunately for him, ignoring Kaoru was both a horrible choice and recipe for more distraction. Wary of Rei’s sensitive ears, he hopped off the windowsill and tiptoed his way over to the tall Student Council President chair. When he wedged himself into the crevice between the back of the chair and the back of Rei’s shirt, he was disappointed by the lack of reply. Save for a slight shift of position, he didn’t get a response at all.

“You heard me?” Kaoru ignored how natural it felt to press himself against Rei’s back.

“You aren’t as quiet as you think, I could practically hear you think it,” Rei said simply, only glancing away from his computer for a brief moment.

“Lame.” Kaoru wriggled free, bracing his feet on the base of the chair and using all of his strength. Stupidly, he didn’t account for lessening the power he was using as he wriggled, nor did he think to regain his balance. With his luck, he’d break his head open on the edge of the table and die before the humiliation could kill him.

“You’re usin’ less brain cells than usual, huh?” Rei’s arm around his waist was the only thing keeping Kaoru upright, and it was terribly embarrassing. 

“Look at those reflexes. You sure you’re not a cat?” Kaoru refused to believe that the press of Rei’s fingers against his side brought anything but annoyance.

He peeled those fingers away from his shirt, brushing himself off and ignoring how warm he suddenly felt. The open window wasn’t a very big help when it felt like every inch of his skin was on fire. The fact that Rei’s school blazer was draped over the arm of his chair, revealing the lean muscle of his arms, didn't help either. He wasn’t super built or anything, and Kaoru wasn’t gay, so he wasn’t looking, but the muscle in Rei’s arms was visible. What Kaoru was trying to say, was that Rei clearly worked out occasionally, and he could probably lift Kaoru with ease. He scolded himself, because that was a thought to have at home in the privacy of his room, and walked away from the desk to sit by the window again. The cool air from outside felt better than before, banishing the rush of heat to his skin. From the window, he could see Kanata by the fountain, admiring the water and skimming his fingers over the surface. 

Another glance over his shoulder showed him that Rei was leaning around the chair and watching him with a smug expression, as if he could hear Kaoru’s thoughts. He had the audacity to wink before returning to his Student Council work, and with how hard Kaoru’s head hit the window frame, he was surprised it didn’t break. Once the embarrassment fizzled out, the silence was comfortable, and Kaoru almost gave into the urge to work on homework while he waited. Below them, Kanata splashed in the school fountain like a cardinal in a birdbath, and fondness bloomed in Kaoru’s chest. He watched for a very long while, tuning out the sounds of Rei working to try and hear Kanata “puka puka”ing and humming the mindless sea shanties he thought up while feeding fish. His homework was quickly forgotten. 

“I’m leaving.” Rei interrupted Kaoru’s observation, voice right next to his ear. His blazer was back on, and his bag was slung over his back, “You oughta come with me, unless you wanna go out the window.” 

“Oh, uh, thanks.” Kaoru slid off the ledge, closing the window and fastening the latch.

The Student Council room was tidy, much tidier than it was before he and Rei had gotten there, which was definitely weird. All of the chairs were pushed in and the tables cleaned up. Rei didn’t seem like much of a homemaker by nature, but Kaoru didn’t know that part of him well enough to dispute it. With a singular click, the room was plunged into darkness, lit only by the streaks of orange sunlight seeping through the window panes. Kaoru was never much of an artist, but it made him want to paint. Rei locked the door once they were both out, tossing the keys into a blatantly fake plant as they started to walk. Hasumi would surely have his ass for it in the morning, but it didn’t seem to bother him.

The halls were empty, filled only with distant echoes and the sound of Rei’s boots. Kunugi passed them, looking down the bridge of his nose before bustling off without sparing them a single word. Obviously, he was in hot pursuit of something and had no time to scold them on their various dress code violations. Kaoru wasn’t sure where Kanata had gone, because he was long gone by the time they reached the front gate. He kind of wanted to go look, but, if memory served, Kanata was unfindable if he didn’t wish to be found. Searching would be a waste of time.

“Do you mind?” The end of a cigarette hung from Rei’s lips and a lone match was pinched between his fingers.

“Nah, go ahead.” Kaoru shook his head, waving a hand dismissively.

Kaoru was not prepared to see Rei light the match he was holding against the backs of his front teeth. It certainly was something he saw, though, and he set a mental reminder to remember the sight when he wasn’t lurking in front of his school. The cigarette glowed at the end, drawing tiny designs as it bobbed between Rei’s teeth like a sparkler at dusk. Ash hopped off the glowing end and onto the glossy finish of the motorcycle they were loitering beside. Kaoru worried briefly about the state of the paint, before deciding it wasn’t his problem.

“Do you want a ride home?” Rei blew smoke at Kaoru, planting his ass squarely on the seat of the motorcycle.

“On the bike?” Kaoru tried not to wrinkle his nose at the smell of smoke, keeping his eyes on Rei’s face.

“No, on my shoulders.” Rei reclined against the handlebars, bracing his right foot on the footrest for comfort, “Yes, on the bike. Use your head, Hakaze-kun.” 

Rei looked like a character out of an old movie, lit by the sunset and just rough enough around the edges to be a living, breathing person. The motorcycle, which Kaoru had always considered to be a vehicle no one could own without looking like a douche, meshed with Rei’s bad boy persona better than any law should have allowed. Kaoru nodded when he remembered to answer, then nodded again, as if shaking his brain around would remind his feet how to move. When he did remember to move, the soles of his shoes scuffed against the cement. Rei leaned harder against the handlebars, watching Kaoru approach like a bird of prey. The fading light from the setting sun reflected off of his canines, sharp and distinct as they always were. They dug into the skin of Rei’s lower lip, catching and tugging as he opened his mouth to speak again. Underneath Kaoru’s shirt, the bruise serving as the only physical evidence of their previous rendezvous ached. 

“Pick up the pace, Hakaze-kun, I’ve got places to be and people to see.” Rei reached right out, catching the hem of Kaoru’s blazer, tugging on it to coax him closer.

“Must suck to be them.” Kaoru swatted his hand away before perching on the back of the motorcycle.

“So mean, Hakaze-kun. What have I ever done to you?” Smoke curled from Rei’s lips, dissipating as it rose above them.

“Do you want my answer in list form or MLA?” Kaoru had so much homework.

“Don’t be a pansy, gimme it in APA or not at all.” Rei was smiling in a way that made Kaoru feel like they were doing something more than chatting.

Kaoru didn’t actually remember how to cite anything in APA, so he picked his brain for a retort, staring blankly at the way Rei’s lips wrapped around his cigarette. It was hopelessly beautiful and an unpleasant part of his brain wished that Rei was a girl to normalize the feelings he was having. It made his lungs feel deflated and his stomach feel soupy.

“You sure are starin’ at my mouth a lot. Do you want one?” Rei’s box of cigarettes was open between them, and Kaoru shook his head, simultaneously clearing his head of his annoying thoughts.

“I’m fine, I don’t smoke.” It took all of Kaoru’s power to stop himself from flushing.

“Hmm,” Rei nodded, tapping ash off the end of his cigarette and taking another drag, “Do you trust me, Hakaze-kun?”

“Why are you asking?” Kaoru tried to look at his eyes instead, but it didn’t do much.

“Because I wanna try somethin’.” 

Kaoru did not trust Rei, but he was bored and attention starved enough to nod, “Yeah, I guess I trust you.”

“Cute. Close your eyes and open your mouth a little.” Kaoru hesitated before nodding again, feeling a little like he was about to do something stupid.

“Good boy. Stay still, now.” 

Kaoru obeyed, shutting his eyes and parting his lips, feeling like a total idiot. He startled at the touch of fingertips against his jaw, but stayed still as he was told. After the longest minute of Kaoru’s life, Rei’s nose brushed against his; his lips just barely rested against Kaoru’s, as if he was about to kiss him, then stopped. Nothing about any of their previous encounters made Kaoru believe Rei was a hesitant person, especially when it came to matters such as making out in public. The confusion tempted him to pull away and ask what was wrong, but he didn’t want to ruin whatever it was Rei wanted to try. Any disorientation he was feeling was quickly tossed out the window when Rei exhaled a lungful of smoke directly into his mouth. 

As soon as his lungs were empty, his mouth sealed over Kaoru’s in a warm, generous kiss, forcing Kaoru to hold the smoke in his mouth. It took a few seconds for his brain to process that he was definitely supposed to inhale the smoke Rei exhaled and that he was probably supposed to kiss him back. Delayed as his reaction was, Kaoru did end up kissing back, curling his fingers around Rei’s wrist as his hand slid around to cradle Kaoru’s neck. His nails trailed along the sensitive skin until they reached the bruise under his shirt. 

Their mouths separated fleetingly with a soft smack; Kaoru exhaled to banish the burning feeling in his throat and get rid of the smoke in his mouth. Rei went right back in, kissing him without the previous softness, lips slotting against Kaoru’s in a way that permitted his incisors to dig into the widest part of Kaoru’s lower lip. His fingertips pressed on the bruise, sending shocks of both pain and exhilaration down Kaoru’s central nervous system. With a quiet and very short-winded groan, Kaoru pulled away again, pushing Rei’s hand away from his neck. He sat back some, trying to smother the flames of passion building in his stomach. Unfortunately, looking at Rei didn’t do much to help smother said flames, as he was smiling fondly at Kaoru until Kaoru looked up. His smile then contorted into a smirk, stirring the contents of Kaoru’s stomach.

“Figured you’d like that.” His smirk was audible, and Kaoru hated how much he liked the sound of it.

“You’re such an asshole.” Kaoru wanted to pout, but had nowhere to run off to.

“And yet you like me enough to risk getting expelled.” Rei’s cigarette was flicked out of sight and his hand was alternatively occupied twirling a loose strand of Kaoru’s hair around his finger.

“No one’s here, there’s barely a risk.” Kaoru leaned away from him, bracing his foot on the seat of the motorcycle.

“So if I kissed you again, you wouldn’t complain or nothin’?” Every bit of power in Kaoru’s body went from trying not to look like a blushing virgin to stopping his brain from instinctively rejecting Rei.

“Why don’t you find out?” That wasn’t even close to the answer he intended to give, but it had the same gist, so he didn’t correct himself.

Rei knocked Kaoru’s foot off the seat, forcing him to nearly straddle it, and moved to occupy the space between his knees. As he moved, he also straddled the seat, making the two of them even to an extent. Scooting closer to him, Kaoru laid his arms over Rei’s shoulders, nearly jumping when Rei pulled him closer by the dip of his waist. Honestly, his surprise was less than warranted, as being publically manhandled by the president of the student council was practically on his weekly agenda. This was different, though, they usually fooled around in either one of the club rooms or one of the practice rooms. The front gate was a much more open and visible place, especially when they were sitting alone on a motorcycle that wasn’t meant to be there in the first place.

“You’re awful fearless today, Hakaze-kun.” Rei was close enough that Kaoru could feel his breath.

“Maybe you make me feel brave,” Kaoru said it as if it were nothing, meaningless words for a meaningless hookup.

Rei’s cocky expression flickered for a moment, splintering into something akin to melancholy before he pressed forward the final few centimeters. He kissed Kaoru like they’d never see each other again, and Kaoru’s heart pounded so hard it felt unhealthy. He’d never felt so desired, so _needed_ in his entire life and in spite of Rei being as much a girl as he was Kaoru’s partner, Kaoru drowned himself in the feeling. His fingers found Rei’s hair, pulling him close while simultaneously sliding closer on the seat of the motorcycle. When Rei moved to hold him by his sides, grip gentler and thumbs rubbing affectionately at the ridge of hip bone, Kaoru began to feel a little guilty. 

It had been that way for a while, Kaoru drowning his sorrows and insecurities in the warmth of Rei’s mouth and Rei holding him above water. He was a safe person to get lost in; Kaoru knew that no matter what occurred between them, Rei would never do anything to deliberately sabotage the trust they’d built. They were friends, even though Kaoru could taste the remnants of ash on Rei’s breath and feel the thrumming of his pulse. Friends did favors for each other all the time, he supposed, and maybe the occasional visit to first base was beneficial to both of them. Let the record show Kaoru got plenty of dates, but none of his girlfriends had ever shoved him against a grand piano, nor had they kissed him enough to make his tongue go numb. It’d seem like Kaoru was reaping all of the benefits if Rei didn’t seem to wholeheartedly enjoy every bit of their time together. 

Distracted by his runaway train of thought, Kaoru had forgotten to continue kissing Rei back. Rei took it in stride, kissing the corners of his mouth and the tip of his nose. By far, this was the most affectionate Kaoru had ever seen him, and it was getting to be the slightest bit off putting. He didn’t mind the touchy-feely part so much as he was just surprised that Rei was being loving at all. Coming from the guy that dumped him on the floor as soon as he got bored of making out, tenderness was a rarity. Honestly, it was easy to forget that they were sitting on a motorcycle in front of their high school and thus should not have been locking lips in the first place. 

“You doin’ okay?” Rei sat back, voice gentle and hand cradling the side of Kaoru’s head.

“Mhmm,” Kaoru nodded, brushing his fingers along Rei’s wrist, “Just thinking.”

“That’s new. Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Rei gave him some more space, sadly removing his hand from the side of Kaoru’s head to do so. 

“Nothing much. You’re being really nice to me today.” Kaoru shrugged, devoting at least half of his energy to not seeking out Rei’s touch like a sad kitten.

Rei laughed, regressing back into his carefree bad boy act, and Kaoru knew he’d struck some kind of nerve. Kaoru didn’t know what the hell it was that set him off, but he wasn’t looking to pry and lose the only person potentially willing to hold him down against the back of a motorcycle. If Rei wanted to come clean about it, he would, and it wasn’t Kaoru’s job to pry into his personal matters. Instead of asking him to listen to his woes, Rei slid closer again, this time curling his fingers into Kaoru’s belt loops. This behavior was normal, predictable, and Kaoru felt a tad more in control than he did when Rei was being nice to him. That control manifested as confidence when he caught the end of Rei’s tie and yanked him back to kissing range. Rei was, once again, predictable in the way he pulled Kaoru by his belt loops, licking into his parted mouth. 

Kaoru hung onto his tie, sliding his dominant hand along the curve of Rei’s ribcage and traipsing his nails against the fabric of his shirt. To speak for both of them would be to say that their location was the most tragic part of this particular encounter. School was no place for such blatant PDA, and honestly, Kaoru really wished he wasn’t wearing his entire school uniform for reasons he was too proud to admit. Taking his hands back in favor of removing his school blazer had the opposite effect he was hoping it’d have, as Rei released his belt loops to stop him.

“We should probably stop, Hakaze-kun.” Rei’s mouth dragged against Kaoru’s, a consequence of talking without pulling away, “I dunno about you, but I’m not lookin’ to dabble in public nudity today.”

Kaoru actually separated their lips, nodding and righting his uniform, “You should probably fire this thing up, then. My homework’s long overdue by now.”

“Well I’d hate to keep you from such an important waste of time.” Rei waxed romantic again, pecking Kaoru’s lips before, in one smooth motion, twisting around to sit on the motorcycle properly.

The helmet hanging off the right handlebar was handed over Rei’s shoulder, and Kaoru put it on without complaint. If Rei wanted to risk a major concussion driving without a helmet, that was his business and none of Kaoru’s. It wouldn’t stop him from hanging onto Rei’s waist, of course, as a helmet wouldn’t keep him anchored to the seat. When they took off from the front gates, he squeezed the air out of his lungs, desperate to not fly off the seat. 

They pulled up to Kaoru’s house pretty quickly, coming to a complete stop before Rei kicked down the kickstand and spun in Kaoru’s arms to face him. On instinct, Kaoru released him, scooting a few inches back to respect both of their personal space. When he couldn’t get the helmet off, Rei reached out to him, pulling it off without any effort. Once the air hit Kaoru’s face again, he was very aware of how sweaty his hairline was, and embarrassment made him feel even hotter.

“Hakaze-kun, can I ask you somethin’?” Rei rested the helmet in his lap.

“Sure, go crazy.” Kaoru pushed his hair back, feeling gross.

“Do you feel like you have to kiss me an’ shit, or is it somethin’ you do because you enjoy it?” Apprehension was rife in his tone.

“I tried to blow you in the Marine Bio Clubroom a few weeks ago. Would I have done that if I felt like you were forcing me to do this stuff with you?” Against his better judgement, Kaoru reached out to squeeze Rei’s hand.

Rei smiled then, raising Kaoru’s hand to kiss the back of it, and it was so casual it could have been platonic. There was relief in his expression, as if he was afraid of Kaoru’s answer. Their eyes met as they often did, and Rei looked so unguarded it made Kaoru’s pulse thrum. No one ever looked that relaxed around him. His fingers slipped from Rei’s grasp, though, landing on the leather seat of the motorcycle, and the moment was gone.

“Your dad home?” The motorcycle purred beneath them, a reminder of the setting.

“No, he’s probably still at work, it isn’t that late yet.” Kaoru didn’t like the line of questioning one bit.

“And your siblings?” Rei, for some reason, knew about both of Kaoru’s siblings, apparently.

“Don’t think so. I need to get my homework done, though.” More importantly, Kaoru really wasn’t interested in anyone, much less someone that’d tasted the inside of his mouth, seeing his bedroom without cleaning it beforehand. 

“Can I, uh,” Rei was nervous, the much Kaoru could tell, “Can I kiss you goodbye?”

Every single thing about his behavior was a red flag, and Kaoru should have looked at it as a warning for something. He didn’t think that far, however, glancing between the dark windows of his house and the oddly hollow expression on Rei’s face. Rather than refuse and regret it, or leave that empty look on Rei’s face, Kaoru thought for only one moment before nodding his head. Even after being given the “go ahead,” Rei didn’t pounce or rush. He moved in slowly, curling a hand around the curve of Kaoru’s jaw and resting the other hand on his wrist just above his hand. Kaoru moved to join their hands, even if it was only for a second.

Before he moved in, Rei smiled at Kaoru with a look in his eyes that Kaoru had never seen on anyone in his life. Their fingers interlocked and Kaoru already felt winded. Then Rei kissed him and it felt like waking up. Kaoru had dated plenty of girls in the past, and he liked to believe that he was a decent kisser, judging by their reactions to his kissing prowess. It wouldn’t be a lie to say that kissing Rei was overwhelming. That being said, it wasn’t typically so overwhelming that it tanked his self confidence. This time, however, Rei kissed him like he was someone precious. There were no desperate hands pawing at Kaoru’s hips, no teeth scraping at his skin, no tongue prodding at the inside of his mouth. Rei kissed him the way Kaoru liked to think he kissed girls, and Kaoru couldn’t help but kiss back, ignoring the subtle scratch of calluses on his cheek in an attempt to pretend Rei was a pretty girl. For some reason, the idea of pretending made Kaoru feel ill; he felt sicker repressing the way Rei made him feel than he felt rubbing gums with another guy in front of his dad’s house. 

It felt wrong to ignore how nice kissing Rei was, when Rei was kissing him as if he’d shatter if he pressed too hard. He was warm like summer evenings, and it was so recognizably _Rei_ that Kaoru couldn’t pretend if he wanted to. But he didn’t. Depraved as it felt, Kaoru wanted to kiss Rei like this until the day they graduated. After their debut, no feelings like the ones welling in his chest would matter. Kaoru could perform for a few years, then run off and get married to some pretty girl and have kids with her and have a good life. 

Kissing Rei made something within him twist and stretch like a sunning cat, and Kaoru wasn’t sure how much he liked it. Before Rei, he’d never wanted to kiss another guy, nor had he ever been open to even showing affection to another guy in public. Kaoru wasn’t naive enough to think Rei was just some kind of wizard with the ability to charm the heterosexuality out of someone. He knew that there was a lot for him to think about, and he knew that he needed to think it over before he got himself into a bind. No matter how hard he tried to convince himself that he didn’t care for the feelings of other guys, Kaoru cared when it was Rei.

He cared, so he moved again, using the footrests for leverage to get closer to Rei. His movements knocked the helmet off of Rei’s lap, and they both ignored how it clattered against the pavement. Taking it in stride, Rei sat back a little, letting Kaoru press against him. They stayed like that for a moment, no doubt giving the neighbors an eyeful, before Rei gently pushed Kaoru back. 

“You’re real enthusiastic today,” Rei caught his breath, pink in the face.

Before Kaoru had a reply in order, Rei’s face buried itself in the crook of his neck. He didn’t waste time kissing, skipping right to the nipping and sucking and successfully backing Kaoru into a metaphorical corner. He couldn’t think straight with Rei’s mouth on the side of his neck. There was definitely a new bruise blooming just beneath the collar of his uniform shirt, and it was probably not wise for Kaoru’s stomach to flip at the idea. 

“I guess you just really do something to my brain.” Kaoru laughed, breathless and unaware of how terrible his answer really was.

“Y’know, Hakaze-kun, you’re a lot like a moonflower,” Rei whispered against his neck, “I may be the moonlight that coaxes you open, but you’re still a moonflower when the sun rises, even if you’ve closed up.”

In spite of the quite literally flowery language, Kaoru knew that Rei was insulting him. It was cutting but honest observation that made his skin crawl with disgust, though he couldn’t figure out who he hated more in that moment. When Rei kissed the side of his neck like they were lovers, he decided that perhaps that problem between them had nothing to do with Rei being a man. Rei’s teeth caught his earlobe and Kaoru counted how many things he actually knew about him, coming up with an embarrassingly low number. Rei never talked about himself when they hung out; Kaoru tended to vent when Rei went to town on his neck, he enjoyed giving and not receiving for whatever reason.

Realization hit like a monsoon, and Kaoru felt like the world’s biggest idiot. The entire time he’d been choking on Rei’s tongue and pretending they were nothing but classmates that sometimes made out, Rei was getting to know him. Rei knew things about him, because he listened, and Kaoru didn’t know anything in return because he never thought to ask. So wrapped up in his inner bedlam, Kaoru never cared enough to talk to Rei about anything but himself. All he did was take. He wasted Rei’s time and wasted his effort, because if asked what Rei was to him, Kaoru couldn’t say anything. Because he didn’t know anything about Rei past his moans, groans, and brother complex. Kaoru lived in a state of mind where he was being kissed silly by some other straight guy that just needed an outlet; little did he know until then that all his imagination did was invalidate the work Rei put into befriending him. Rei cared so deeply for him, and Kaoru used the love that was offered to live out fantasies he didn’t know he had.

“I’m sorry.” Kaoru wanted to cry so badly his words came out small.

“Don’t be, Kaoru-kun,” Rei came back up, touching their foreheads together, “I can’t be mad at you, even if I try.” 

“You shouldn’t be so nice to me.” Kaoru wanted to kiss Rei, kiss the wounds he’d inflicted in hopes of healing them.

“Being nice to you feels good.” Rei moved back when Kaoru tried to kiss him again, shaking his head and consequently rubbing their noses together, “You deserve the sweet stuff.”

Kaoru managed to kiss the corner of Rei’s mouth, winding his arms around him like a boa constrictor. Rei let him, petting his hair and continuing to murmur words that Kaoru willfully ignored. 

When a car turned down the road, Rei pushed Kaoru off of the motorcycle and retrieved his helmet from the ground. Before Kaoru’s father was close enough to see them, he leaned off the bike enough to peck Kaoru on the lips. Before Kaoru could try to kiss him again, against anyone’s judgement, Rei was out of reach, sitting properly on the motorcycle. Having already thought in depth about Rei and his motorcycle, Kaoru drew a blank trying to mentally compliment him. Instead of worrying about it, he scrubbed at his eyes, hoping they weren’t wet. 

“Goodbye, Kaoru-kun, I’ll miss you.” Rei pulled on his helmet, revving his bike and taking off down the street. His parting words confused Kaoru to his very core.  
\---

Rei didn’t show up to school the next day. Kaoru assumed he was playing bad boy again and thought nothing of his absence. Maybe that was what he meant. Kaoru went about his day without a care in the world, finishing the homework he was too distracted to do after spending time with Rei. But then Rei didn’t show up for the rest of the week. 

Bright and early Monday morning, Kaoru and the first years of UNDEAD were informed that their leader was studying abroad for the rest of the year. Koga had, for whatever reason, already known, and was insanely broken up over it. Adonis was let down, but certainly not distraught over the loss of Rei. Kaoru went home early after staring blankly at the matching bruises on his neck in the bathroom mirror.

Part of him wished that he’d asked Rei to stay with him, and another deemed Rei’s absence as validation for Kaoru’s supposed heterosexuality. In the end, though, he turned in early and woke up to a text from Kanata. It was an condolence text, and Kaoru prayed it was only because Rei was in his unit; he didn’t want to imagine the rumors that could be going around.

\---

Rei’s hair fanned against the overwashed fabric of Kaoru’s pillowcase, dark like ink and damp from his shower. In the light of the lamp, his face was more angular than usual, a cross between a marble bust and an oil painting. Kaoru watched him blink sleepily at the posters plastered on the west wall of his bedroom, then admired the dimple on his left cheek when he smiled. The corners of his eyes crinkled with how widely he grinned, and his mouth was moving, but Kaoru couldn’t hear whatever he was saying. Rei turned his head, obscuring Kaoru’s view of his dimple, eyes of fine wine instead occupying his line of sight. 

“Kaoru-kun?” The way his lips formed the syllables was incomprehensibly stunning, “Are you alright?”

“Mhmm.” Kaoru nodded, following smile lines with his eyes. 

“Darling Kaoru-kun,” Sweet nothings from Rei never made his stomach flip before, though Kaoru was deeply ingrained in both toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia the last time he was called anything by Rei, but the tone of his voice made every bit of Kaoru’s being absolutely tremble, “You seem quite abstracted.”

“Abstracted?” Kaoru forced out a laugh, despite being metaphorically breathless, “That’s a big word.”

“Mm.” Rei quirked an eyebrow, but turned his head back regardless, smile widening again when he laid eyes on Kaoru’s battered DEADMANZ poster for the second time.

Kaoru rolled fully onto his side, pillowing his head with his arm, so he could watch Rei’s eyes rake over the details of his bedroom. His gaze lingered briefly on a picture of the Marine Bio Club, softening ever so slightly with what could only be fondness. His lips were chapped and chewed at, looking sore and in dire need of chapstick. Kaoru made a mental note to sneak some into his pocket before they parted ways. He was back to committing Rei’s face to memory, dawdling on a mole behind the shell of his ear and a scar separating the beginning and end of his left eyebrow. 

“I missed you. So much.” The words left Kaoru on an exhale at the exact cadence of an ‘I love you.’ 

“I missed you too, Kaoru-kun.” Rei smiled over at him, backlit in a way that made shadows dance over his bone structure, “Quite a lot, actually.”

**Author's Note:**

> im @corgiritsu on most things rn


End file.
